So I was thinkin maybe I would dip my toe into the dating waters, but yikes... Early results not good. Somebody just sent me a message with her phone number in it- no email exchange, nothing. Call if you're interested. Her profile doesn't say much. This after a few other recent inexplicable experiences. Personal ads just suck for me. I only put one up because there was someone I was interested in writing to. We hit it off real good- then presto she's gone. Made no sense. I think I'm goin back into the cave and maybe get a puppy someday to keep me company.

Also I've been sick and today the computer screen on my laptop died.
Feelin blue.

I've had so many disappointments lately. Everything from girls to jobs to community- you name it.

Yesterday I went into my last hour of work with only 3 sales. I was ready to pull my hair out. Then I made a call back and got a sale, 2 people called me back out of the blue, and then I got a couple other sales too. 5 sales in 1 hour- rock and roll. 8 sales or more a day is my goal and I made it.

I can't force anyone to want to get to know me, or date me or fall in love with me.
I can't force a company to give me the job that I want.
I can't force people to hold the same values that I do.
All I can do is be me and keep moving forward and never give the fuck up!

Tonight Sarah & I went to a reading for The Best Lesbian Erotica 2008 at Powells on Hawthorne. Great fun. Then we drove over the Hawthorne bridge- the river was sparkling and beautiful and the city all lit up- I just love going over the bridges at night- and we went downtown and got donuts at Voodoo Donuts. Yum. Then we drove around and plotted about our plans for starting a butch-femme social group. More fun times. :)

We had another beautiful sunny Wednesday (my day off) here in Portland. My friend Sarah & I went to the Zoo, had Middle Eastern food for lunch, and then caught an early evening movie at the Kennedy School. We are going to try to organize a local butch-femme social group at the Q Center! I had a great day. :)

Date:	2008-02-27 20:10
Subject:	What A Great Day!
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

I had a fabulous day today. It was a beautiful, sunny day here in Portland and I had the day off. I did butchelor chores in the morning- laundry, house work etc. Then I got a hair cut before I met up with Sarah at the Avalon Theater. The Avalon is such a fun place. Admission is $2.50 and you can see a movie or play arcade games for a few nickels each. Originally we were going to see a movie, but it was such a beautiful day that we decided to skip it so we could get outdoors. First we played some games- air hockey and pinball were a blast. We had so much fun. Then we went by Zupans and got sandwiches and drinks and headed over to Laurelhurst Park. We ate and chatted and walked around. Then we went over to The Fine Ground cafe and had cranberry iced teas and chatted some more and then walked around some SE neighborhoods- each of us dreaming of our future butchelor and bachelorette pads. What a great day and great time- all spent in the company of a fabulous femme friend. :)

"Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which comes the inner voice which says, ‘This is the real me,´ and when you have found that attitude, follow it." -- William James

I came across this quote last night in an email. It inspired me to finally register the domain name JulesWright.com. I am going to set up a blog to post some writing, rantings, ravings, etc. There is nothing there yet- just thought if I told a few peeps about it, it would give me added pressure to get it up and running, lol.

JulesWright.com, coming soon to a theater near you.

I had a nice time with the new femme in town. We had coffee at a cozy cafe called Muddy Waters on Belmont. It's great to have a day off in the middle of the week to do something like that. She is nice and fun and we had a great conversation. She's cute too. I gotta behave, she's 15 years younger than me, heh heh.

Anyway I had fun and it's nice to have a new femme friend. I am looking forward to the dance on Saturday. :)

I have been such a hermit since I got back to town. We are celebrating Nickys birthday at the dance this Saturday, so I figured I should try to get something to wear since nothing fits anymore. I put on weight when I was in Southern California. I spent time at the mall tonight picking out shirts, then when I went to try them all on they were too small. Hello, earth to Bully, you are an extra large now- that's why you went shopping in the first place, cuz nothing fits. Then I couldn't remember my zip code from my last address. They needed that for some reason at the register. Am I getting senile or what, lol.

I am meeting a femme for coffee tomorrow- not a date, just doin my mayorial bit. She is new to town and I will introduce her to friends at the dance. People in b-f chat said I would be a good person to look up. Kinda funny since I never get out anymore. I am happy to hear the Mayor is alive and well somewhere, lol.

Well I am glad spring is around the corner. I hope to get out and about more.

Gotta lose some weight too.

American Pie
Don McLean

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And, maybe, they’d be happy for a while.

But february made me shiver
With every paper I’d deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldn’t take one more step.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.

So bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Did you write the book of love,
And do you have faith in God above,
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in rock ’n roll,
Can music save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you’re in love with him
`cause I saw you dancin’ in the gym.
You both kicked off your shoes.
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues.

I was a lonely teenage broncin’ buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died.

I started singin’,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Now for ten years we’ve been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin’ stone,
But that’s not how it used to be.
When the jester sang for the king and queen,
In a coat he borrowed from james dean
And a voice that came from you and me,

Oh, and while the king was looking down,
The jester stole his thorny crown.
The courtroom was adjourned;
No verdict was returned.
And while lennon read a book of marx,
The quartet practiced in the park,
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died.

We were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Helter skelter in a summer swelter.
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter,
Eight miles high and falling fast.
It landed foul on the grass.
The players tried for a forward pass,
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast.

Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the sergeants played a marching tune.
We all got up to dance,
Oh, but we never got the chance!
`cause the players tried to take the field;
The marching band refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died?

We started singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick!
Jack flash sat on a candlestick
Cause fire is the devil’s only friend.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in hell
Could break that satan’s spell.
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

He was singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news,
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the sacred store
Where I’d heard the music years before,
But the man there said the music wouldn’t play.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.

And they were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

They were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die."

My Mom sent me this scan of a note I sent my Grandma when I was kid. It cracked me up. I don't have any childhood stuff, so it was kinda fun to see this. Sorry I have been MIA and sorry for size of pic. I have no idea how to resize for LJ Land.

I am all moved in here in SE Portland. :)
I have internet access again. :)
I am selling satellite internet service like crazy at work. I seem to have great rapport with people who live in the middle of absolutely nowhere. I also discovered this high octane coffee at 7-11 which I think has been contributing to my success. I am wired.                              
That is all for  now.  I am exhausted.

Just a quick update- I am still internetless :(.

I have arrived in Portland and in 10 days have secured more permanent housing- at least beyond my 1 month sublet- and a job.  Woo hoo!  I move to the heart of SE Portland at the beginning of July. I got hired today at a call center. I am selling satellite internet service to the rural areas. I will be talkin to the hicks in the sticks and bringin new religion to their lives- hah!  If my drug test comes back in time I start on Wednesday. If not, very soon.

I have reconnected with some of my close friends and got to meet some new ones in person and have been having a lot of fun. I've been fed, and played with my favorite kids, and picked strawberries on Sauvie Island, and went to Fat Girls Speaks and saw sexy belly dancers, and ridden over the bridges and seen the water and lights. I am livin large! 

This weekend is Pride. I can't wait!

I was stressed about finding housing and a job- but now at least that is taken care of for the time being. Still a long climb back up- but I am making strides.

Hope everyone is well. Sorry I haven't kept up with my friends list. By next month I will be back in the saddle.

Chow for now.

"Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others."
- Harriet Goldhor Lerner

I blatantly stole this quote from K. She posted it on the other channel.  In fact it was almost a month ago, and I have been pondering it off and on again ever since.  So thank you K- I always love the quotes you come up with- but this one is extra special and very relevant for my life right now.

I am feelin better and stronger.  I heard from another friend today that I hadn't spoken to in a long time. She welcomed me home. I am very, very  grateful that my friends are forgiving me for not staying in touch and just really appreciate everyone's support. 

I am taking this quote to heart. I am going to continue putting it into practice, and stay in touch and deepen my relationships with those that matter.

Today was good. The note from my friend, eating boston baked beans- the candy, not the beans-, listening to Santana while getting my apartment cleaned up, laughing about smerks and plastic orange chairs. Life is good.

I quite literally have the old Chicago song stuck in my head- Feelin' Stronger Every Day.

And now I am going to be a good boy and get to bed before ll:30. :)

I have been summoned back to LJ Land.
I will try to find something interesting to say from time to time.

My big news- if there happens to be anyone tuning in who doesn't know this already- I am moving back to Portland!
I am very excited.  I am a fool for love and it didn't work out.  Time to pull myself up by my bootstraps and go home.

I am officially older today.

I am on my way to Pasadena to have breakfast with my sweetie and one of her sister's and family and then spend the weekend with my baby.

I hope to get some sleep this weekend and look for an apartment. I can't wait until we finally have our own place.

Yesterday there was lots of extra traffic where I work- what the hell- they were gettin ready for the Daytime Emmy Awards. Still can't believe I work in Hollywood. No Susan Lucci sightings.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Ok it's not quite time for the Nudge Report yet but thought I would check in. I started my new job on Tuesday and I am lovin it! Everyone at work is super cool and I am lovin workin for this alternative funky paper. We work hard and play hard. We go out to lunch and out for drinks after work a few times a week, includin our super cool boss. And yes, I am indeed right in Hollywood. Yesterday I went out on my lunch break to find a mail box and I look down on the sidewalk and holy smokes there were the stars and then I passed the Wax Musuem- I was on Hollywood Blvd. This is just too fun.

I am missin my girlfriend. Money is a crunch this month, but I will be ok by the end of the month and we are hoping to find a place together for June 1st. Life is good! Have a great weekend everyone.

OK I got double nudged this month, lol! Sorry I have been out of touch. I've been running around like crazy on the insane Southern California freeways trying to get to job interviews, and I've been stressin a lot about my money running out and about needing a job. Everything is really great with my girlfriend. We are very much in love and she has been so wonderful and loving and supportive and appreciates that I moved down here to be with her. Also my butch roomie is great too.

Great news on the job front- Bully goes Hollywood! Yesterday I got a job with the LA Weekly for the Classified Ad department. I will be selling employment ads. I am so excited. The LA Weekly is the alternative/entertainment weekly paper here in LA. The closest equivalent in Portland would be the Willamette Week. They are owned by the Village Voice Media group and also own the Seattle Weekly and a bunch of other papers. Anyway I will be workin on Sunset Blvd smack dab in the middle of Hollywood! It's very cool and funky there. I think I am really going to love it. It's only a few miles from where I live now here in West L.A. The plan is to stay here in L.A. and hopefully move to where my girlfriend is no later than June. Then I will ride the train in to LA to work. I think I should be able to make a fairly decent living and this is a good opportunity for me. I start my new job next Wed or Thur. I am psyched!

Thanks to all who have nudged me and emailed me. I will be in better touch.

Life is good. I have set up my room here in West L.A. Koop is an awesome housemate and butch pal. Last night we went out for sushi and we cruised West Hollywood in his 4Runner with the dog in back. Today he brought home burgers & fries from In & Out. I can't wait to get a job and get established and live with my sweetie, but oh yeah, the guys are livin large.

Just a quick update... I am being timed at Kinkos, lol. I made it to California safe and sound. It was raining when I got here- had to tease everyone about that. It's sunny now. I have a place to live with a butch pal in L.A. I'm having a great time with my sweetie, and just applied for a newspaper sales job, very similar to the one I had in Portland. Life is good! I'll write more later.

Thanks everyone for your very kind comments and well wishes.